Go check what that noise is...

So, this morning I awoke at 4:00 am like I do some mornings. Others it is 2 or 3. Others it is 6:00. Anyway, I rolled over and nestled up to Wendy feeling totally peaceful and happy. I kissed her neck and gently gave her a hug. I couldn't see it but I "felt" her smile. The house was still asleep because there was absolutely no noise except the ticking of the clock. And, that other noise!

I listened for awhile and was wondering what the heck that steady faint beat could be. Wendy finally said, "go check what that noise is... I have to go outside to exercise soon". So, I got up and wandered the house to see if I could hear it more clearly. No noise. As I was about to go outside something caught my eye out our front window. At 4:00 am it is quite dark outside especially with a fingernail clipping of a moon so I couldn't tell what it was. When I walked up to the window I quickly realized we had had visitors at some point in the night. I laughed audibly. Wendy came to see what why.

We have caution tape wrapped around our car, up our walk to our front door as if our house was a crime scene (actually, it is, trespassing). Some young man visited Kings to buy a box of sidewalk chalk and then displayed his artistic ability on our walkway. So, as I go out and inspect things more clearly I read "Garyn... I am dying to take you to homecoming... Garyn" in different chalk colors. Over near the car on the driveway there is a crime scene body outline with a boys name written next to it.

Now, here is the rest of the story. For weeks Garyn has slightly hinted at the fact that a certain boy might ask her to homecoming. I think she was pleased at the thought. So a few days ago she began telling us that he asked someone else. However, he gave very confusing signals because he has shown a lot of interest in Garyn including texting her, asking her opinion of what would be fun for a day date, how he should ask the girl, etc. So, this game comes to a head yesterday when he announces that he asked another girl to homecoming. Garyn handled it well on the outside but a dad knows... It didn't help that when he told her that he asked another girl GJ asked how he asked her... he said that he didn't want to tell her. She was not pleased and thought he was being stupid. So did I . Now it makes total sense.

Some of you may have noticed her facebook posting about feeling depressed yesterday. Hmmm. I wonder why? So, I got up and walked Wendy to the church to teach her class (since her car was part of a crime scene) and am now about to go for a walk. By the way, the stars are really bright right now so I am going to love this country mile walk. I can't wait to get back and wake GJ up to see her depression instantly disappear! I assure you her smile will be bigger and brighter than the sliver moon over Declo that I saw this morning.

So, how should she answer, "I would love to live it up with you at homecoming"? Other ideas? She will be asking.

Major style and creative points for this young man! He got her GOOD! Honestly, he got me good too... I wanted to thump him for playing mind games with my little girl. He has sufficiently made up for it.

Oh, the noise was the caution tape tied to our screen door. Suttle movement as the wind softly blew.

stake conference joke...

Yep, this joke was told at our Stake Conference by the Boise Idaho Mission President.

A husband and wife saved for years to be able to retire at the age of 65. Just as they did their luck really improved. They found a bottle and as luck would have it when they rubbed it a Genie appeared and granted them 2 wishes. The wife immediately said, "I have always wished I could go to Hawaii". Poof, they found themselves in Hawaii. The husband looked around at all the surroundings and said, "I wish my wife was 20 years younger than me". Poof, he found himself 85.

As this was told the elderly lady sitting next to Wendy gasped, leaned over to Wendy and said, "it serves him right..."

I agree... but,

I agree with the following outlook from this lady but would clarify that being healthy is critically important so you are around to enjoy that occassional ice cream with your kids/grandkids/great grandkids....

So, other than that I thought this was great...

Recently, in large French city, a poster featuring a young, thin and tan woman appeared in the window of a gym. It said:
THIS SUMMER DO YOU WANT TO BE A MERMAID OR A WHALE? A middle aged woman, whose physical characteristics did not match those of the woman on the poster, responded publicly to the question posed by the gym. To Whom It May Concern: Whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, sea lions, curious humans). They have an active sex life, they get pregnant and have adorable baby whales. They have a wonderful time with dolphins stuffing themselves with shrimp. They play and swim in the seas, seeing wonderful places like Patagonia, the Barren Sea and the coral reefs of Polynesia. Whales are wonderful singers and have even recorded CDs. They are incredible creatures and virtually have no predators other than humans. They are loved, protected and admired by almost everyone in the world. Mermaids don't exist. If they did exist, they would be lining up outside the offices of Argentinean psychoanalysts due to identity crisis. Fish or human? They don't have a sex life because they kill men who get close to them not to mention how could they have sex? Therefore they do not have kids either. Not to mention who wants to get close to a girl who smells like a fish store? The choice is perfectly clear to me; I want to be a whale. P.S. We are in an age when media puts into our heads the idea that only skinny people are beautiful, but I prefer to enjoy an ice cream with my kids, a good dinner with a man who makes me shiver and a coffee with my friends. With time we gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room it distributes out to the rest of our bodies. So we aren't heavy, we are enormously cultured, educated and happy. Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think, "Good gosh, look how smart I am."

Some battles shouldn't have to be...

To battle the norm of society is one thing when teaching your children right from wrong. But, to have to battle "your own" is just simply too much!

My wonderful daughter returned from her mission 2 weeks ago. She has represented Christ and has lived a life in tune with being his disciple. She is sensitive to living closely in tune with the spirit and being obedient.

So, as I dropped her off in Provo last week to attend her 3rd year at BYU I did not expect her to face adversity. I expected her to feel safe, confident and excited. However, she quickly faced a difficult decision.

She applied to work in the same department as she did prior to her mission. It appeared her chances were very promising due to her past experience, exceptional work ethic and the fact that a good friend and old co-worker was the hiring supervisor. What a relief, obtaining work soon would be a relief and definite blessing. As hoped, she was contacted and told that she could have the job.

However, she faced a moral dilemma. She ultimately desired securing a job at the MTC teaching Tagalog. But, securing work there is no easy task and could take a long time. So, the sure job was the smart move but "what if I get offered a job at the MTC?"

Brit asked my opinion of what to do. I thought it out. I then gave her my advice. I felt that where she knew going in she was also pursuing employment at the MTC that it would be best to be forthright and let her friend/supervisor know that.

So, Brit did what I believe to be the professional and honest thing and notified BYU as to her intentions. The response she received was VERY discouraging. She was simply manipulated! She was told that if she wanted the job she would have to give a 1 year commitment or the job would go to another applicant. Keep in mind that the job was given to Britney just days earlier.

So, instead of having her professional and forthright integrity rewarded she was manipulated. What disappointment. Now, I believe it important to recognize that "people" work at BYU and are prone to mistakes just as anywhere but I am still discouraged.

So, should Brit have withheld information and increased her chances to have employment?

This I know, everything will work out for her due to her honesty and obedience. I will not be suprised to see her working at the MTC by the end of the month. They would be fortunate to have her.

I am proud of you for being sensitive to such matters Britney. And for much more.

OK, I can't resist this weeks 1 word blog

FAMILY

Participating in the all skate.

I have to say amen to all the previous posts about the events last week and will maybe add a few of my thoughts.

Gaining self-mastery and knowledge is what our existence is greatly about. I witnessed 2 great examples of that this past week in Felicia chosing to take upon herself the name of Christ and covenant to follow him and Britney returning from a mission she immersed herself in with whole heart.

Felicia. I could not be more impressed with the genuine and sincere approach you took to finding truth. I know your testimony is now rock solid. The foundation you now have to begin a life of service and obedience is sure. You will contribute greatly in building the kingdom. You will influence many many of your brothers and sisters during your lifetime. You have influenced everyone in this family for the good and you will influence your immediate family in time. Thank you for making John so happy. We love you.

Britney. Thank you for being my teacher and for being such a wonderful daughter and disciple of Christ. You are an amazing example to not only your sisters but to everyone who is blessed to associate with you. Your maturity and composure spiritually assures you success in life and I cannot wait to see all that you will accomplish! I am very thankful for you.

Family. Thank you for everything. I think we all caught a glimpse of what true "joy" is. No worldly happiness can replace the experiences of last week in providing true happiness.

Tender moments...

Today would be McKaylee Brooke's 21st birthday. Having taken a job in Idaho I had to leave my sweetheart in Utah toward the end of her pregnancy. I left late Friday night August 5th to drive to Provo where she was staying with her sister Ginger. I had Britney with me. Around Snowville I became excessively tired around 1:00 am and pulled to the side of the road. I slept soundly as did Brit. A semi rocked the car and awoke me a few hours later. I continued my drive. As far as I knew I was driving down to take Wendy to a stress test the doctor had finally scheduled 9 days beyond the due date.

When I arrived at Scott and Ginger's home I found a note on the door that said that they had left for the hospital. I drove very fast to Payson where our doctor was. My emotions and senses where heightened. I was in fear I would be too late. Brit was in my arms and we were walking very fast. As we rounded the corner and looked down the long hallway I saw my brother Scott Livinston sitting in a chair with his head lowered as if tired. It was early morning so this didn't look out of place to me. As he looked up - his expression was lacking the "hurry up look" which gave me a false sense of comfort. I slowed my pace. But, as I got closer I realized there was more to his countenance than I first saw. It was then that I knew something was wrong. My thoughts immediately went to the fact that it might be Wendy. I said, "Scott, what's wrong... is it Wendy?" As he shook his head in a negative manner I fully realized that it was our long awaited 2nd baby girl. The sister to our sweet Brit. The new spirit we had anxiously prepared to have in our home. At that moment words were not necessary. I knew. I reacted as one would. The nurse looked me in the eye and said, "Mr. Landrum, you must be strong your wife needs you right now".

I gathered myself and entered the doorway just feet away. As I walked in I passed our baby girl wrapped in a blanket as I went to my wife's side. The next hours were very personal and I will never forget them. We were able to spend an hour in our room with McKaylee and then they took her.

The balance of the experience has unfolded over the 21 years that would have been our angel's life. I want to express some things about my emotions and feelings and feel it appropriate to do after all these years.

I became bitter toward the doctor due to his neglect. I was convinced that if we had another doctor things may have turned out differently. I became bitter toward God. I had a sense of entitlement due to having made what I thought were mostly proper decisions throughout life and felt betrayed. Why would you let this happen to me? I became bitter toward myself for not demanding the doctor do stress tests earlier... at the due date. Further, I had asked for the doctor to induce labor at the due date and allowed him to talk me out of it. Had I been more of a man and spoke my mind I might have saved her!?

To be honest, it took years to overcome many of the feelings and thoughts. I forgave myself last. The doctor was not worth wasting my emotions toward and I suprisingly found it easiest to forgive him. I felt comfort that if he was at fault that he would eventually be accountable. After a few years I came to the realization that my selfish resentment toward God was entirely backward and shameful. How could I shut out the 1 source of comfort and insight into my wife and I's tragedy? Without the love of God I could not have come to peace with such a difficult experience. To be honest, I am not sure that I have fully overcome the inward feelings that I had toward myself but do know that I have learned a great deal about myself in the process so far. I know that my Heavenly Father loves me and wants me to be happy.

Anyway. I felt it appropriate to share some of my feelings and thoughts with my family after all these years. You were all part of this with us. You hurt and cried at our loss and the felt the pain we were experiencing. It was your loss as well. I truly believe there were bonds of love created through the experience. We thank each of you for the strength you provided us at such a difficult time. I will never forget the image of our loved ones surrounding us as we said goodbye to her, together, as a family.

The circumstances did not allow for me to be there as Wendy went into labor. Ginger and Scott were there for her. In hindsight I realize the hand of God in the events. I know myself. God knows me. I could not have been in the room when it was discovered that she was gone. My vacancy caused Wendy to use her own strength. I would have complicated that and made it harder for her. However, I walked into the room minutes after she delivered McKaylee. One of the truths I have come to learn is that my loving Heavenly Father was in control of those events to protect my wife and I both from even further hurt. This was not coincidental. I admire and respect my wife for the rock that she is. I lean on her. I learn from her.

I have one very overdue and sincere appreciation to express. My brother Scott Livingston was there for my wife in a situation I could not be. He held her hand. He leant her strength. He comforted her. He blessed her. I will eternally be grateful and I know he fully comprehends my love for him and his wife for their service at that time. That is a bond that will not be lost.

After 21 years I still feel my daughter's place in our family. I know that she would have a little bit of each of my other girls in looks and spirit. Therefore, I believe I have caught glimpses of her. She is beautiful.